So I've learned my fucking lesson already. Don't pay your rent, lose your apartment and have HELL finding the next one. I cannot believe this shit. First off I'm in a fucked up situation on more levels than one. I work off the books, I have a government subsidy which NO ONE wants to take, and...and my credit is not in the greatest state due to the dumb shit i did in my early 20s. This is what no guidance gets you. So, ok I take the blame. I played myself with my last apt and now I'm getting the big payback. If my former landlord knew what I was going thru right now he would laugh his fuckin ass off in delight. I am again near tears. I cried the other day, only to find a great tiny little apt that I thought I would get only to hear some cockamamie story about how the landlady had to give the apt to her mother-in-law who had an emergency in the elderly home. What!! So you mean to tell me that she is giving an entire 2 bedroom 2 bath apt to an old bitch coming from a elderly house??? JUST STOP IT. STOP IT NOW.
But there is the upside. I have another potential more roomy (no private bath) 2 bedroom apt waiting for me. Smacked dead in the middle between a bodega and a chicken spot. And the wonderful street hoods who hang out in front of those places. Hopefully nothing goes wrong with this one. Otherwise this will be the 4th apt that slipped out my hand in less than 2 months. and they weren't all my fault. I feel like slitting my wrists or packing my bags and moving upstate NY. Changing my name and just leaving my kids on their own. I feel like...a fuckin loser right now.
I mean thank the GODS for the flexible employment and the understanding boss. And thank goodness for my g/f who let me stay in her place after I decided to leave the shelter b/c of all the changes they were trying to put me through on top of all the BS I was going through. But I've got to leave here. The over abundance of flies and roaches in this apt is incredible. Not that my g/f is a nasty heifer but the building is disgusting and she has compromised a decent neighborhood and clean building and overall better health for space. I been here like a month and I can't see myself doing two. (dare i fail to mention that I woke up round 4:30 this morning to a roach crawling on my face.) So to all you that read this have some sympathy. Pray that I get the next apt or better yet get the apt I really want although it does not take my subsidy. I have to get off the gravy train. It's been great with section 8 but due to the bad press it's making it hard for me to find a place to live with my kids and I want my own again.
I want to start over, prove to myself that I can pay my bills not only on time, but just pay em. I just want a landlord to hear my cry and come rescue me. Boy right now I could use some good sex.
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