Catch up part I

I saw Jake today. Tonight. As I left work and walked to the train station. He didn't say a word to me and I didn't say a word to him. He passed me like he didn't know me, like just over 30 days ago I didn't tell him that I was carrying his baby. Isn't life pathetic this way? That a man and woman who barely knew each other could have unprotected sex and the woman gets pregnant and before you know it they won't even speak to each other when they pass on the street. That is some fucked up shit. That is how diseases get spread, because people just sex carelessly then won't even speak while passing on the road. I loved Jake, I don't care what anyone may say. He was one of the nicest men I'd met in a while and he bought me serious sexual pleasure. I wanted to be with him. The passion I felt for him I hadn't felt for anyone in a little bit of time. But then his girl called me and ruined everything. Or did I by not giving her the tone and instead holding a convo with her like she was my girl and we found out we were seeing the same dude. Bitch. Or is she? Did she save me from being in love with someone who was going to cause me great heartache, stagnate my growth?

Tonight as I sat down quietly and thought about the new guy I met, let's call him Dred--I cried because Jake passed me on the street. I cried because I could not believe that again, I slept with a man who got me pregnant and then wouldn't talk to me later. I thought about how I've known Dred for several months and never even thought about having sex with him then the other night on a whim I did. And he saw me 3 days later which astounding in my world. Usually I have to wait at least a month. I thought that maybe I shouldn't have had sex with Dred, though he seems to like me. I thought about how sex has ruined so many of my relationships with men. I thought, what if Dred had a change of heart and...I don't want to put Dred in this blog, he deserves his own. He is...so far...a beautiful unbelievable person and nothing like Jake.

Jake. I have nothing else to say I have so much catching up to do.